{Disagreements} Conversations
Hi everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was particularly great (probably because it wasn’t at my house! Thank, Ann). None of our relatives were in town except my mother-in-law, so we invited another orphaned family to eat Thanksgiving dinner with us. They have four girls that match up almost exactly with our kids and they played together nicely for hours. Dalai Dan and I always marvel at the calming effects girls have on our boys. They are like snake charmers…
Now, I’m getting off track. What I really wanted to talk to you about came from a conversation I had on Saturday with Dalai Dan. We actually had a date night and were able to discuss all sorts of things, one being my Thanksgiving post.
I’m not sure how it started, but we began to talk about that stressful day and I explained to him how aggravated I felt. He obviously sensed it and said my post didn’t surprise him. And then he said, “I don’t know why spending time with your kids would make you so stressed. It’s sad. There are moms out there that would die to be able to be in your position. Relatively speaking, you have it pretty easy.”
No, girls, my head didn’t spin and Dalai Dan is, in fact, still alive.
But, it brought up an interesting discussion. I explained to him that when he is with the kids, it can be all fun and games. He doesn’t have to get anything else done. I, on the other hand, am having to gets snacks, turn over laundry, do dishes, reply to emails, and check homework. He, on the other hand, comes home from work and is finished. His attention and focus can be on the kids. He can just be with them.
Then he said, “Why can’t it be like that with you? The dishes will get done sometime. The laundry will still be there. Why can’t you let it go and just have fun?”
There is no reason why I can’t. I was speechless. The only thing I could say was, “You’re just better at that than me.”
“Better at what?” he asked.
“Better at loving life. Sometimes I forget.”
I swear that is why I married Dalai Dan – his good nature. I exercise, eat well, visualize, meditate…so that I can live in the moment and enjoy what life has to give me. It comes so naturally to him.
His words reminded me that I have strayed a little off course. Sometimes my type A personality strives to get things done. Check things off lists. I need to rein that Big Boy in and remind it that the work will still be there. I can allow myself to enjoy my kids. Why would God have given them to me if it wasn’t to have fun with them? Does anyone else out there have to be reminded to have fun???
Good advice. There’s just more on your plate at home and the thought of putting it off sometimes creates more stress than it’s worth. But I agree that sitting back, taking a deep breath, and enjoying the kids is possible and great fun.
So, Ann, do you think working makes it even harder? You essentially have 2 jobs to take care of? Or does work give you an outlet that feeds you and makes you more balanced?
All the time! In fact the moment before I read your post my head was about to rotate around as I surveyed the damage that two dogs, two cats, two children and one husband have caused in my world in a mere four days. I think every surface in my house is covered in something and I am on the verge of tears. However, your blog has reminded me there is always tomorrow to deal with all of the mess – and today I am going to enjoy my children instead. We are off to the pool! Thank you. :)
All I have to say is THANK GOD the kids go to school tomorrow! I’m going to relish my nice, clean house!
“Does anyone else out there have to be reminded to have fun???”
Yes. Yes, all the time. It is particularly hard with my son because he has a lot of Asperger traits. My husband calls it “pain in the ass syndrome” and though I completely disagree with that statement because it suggests he will outgrow it or can control it, the fact remains that he is often very difficult to simply enjoy.
I cannot tell you how many mornings I have woken up with the prayer, “Lord, please help me enjoy these kids that You have trusted to me,” on my lips.
It’s a hard job and yeah, the laundry and dishes WILL wait but if they wait too long then there are just more of them! Nice that Dalai Dan can give you perspective but I still say that he needs to walk a mile in your shoes before he can truly say you have it easy. I can be thankful every day for my children and still cry that it is so hard.
Oh, Danielle, this is music to my ears. Not that I want any woman to have a hard time, but it does make me feel more normal!
And I haven’t laughed as hard as I have for “pain in the ass syndrome.” I love people that can have a sense of humor about their life!
I have far too much to say about this post – will have to make it a phone conversation!
Sounds like we need to chat!