The Face of Death
Death is so diverse. Even after volunteering for two years with Vitas Hospice, I am surprised to see what dying looks like. Sometimes dying looks like they could go out and play 9 holes of golf. Sometimes dying looks like my grandmother: just old and sweet. Sometimes dying looks just like dying. It is deforming, crippling and painful.
Sometimes dying feels joyous. Sometimes it is just…accepted. Often dying is ignored or feared.
Each person handles it their own, unique way. All of their past accumulated to this one point in time. All the memories, feeling and beliefs influencing the process.
No matter how many people I meet, I am often surprised at when the transition from life to death occurs. Sometimes the healthiest looking ones can be the first to go. Maybe because they are ready? And the sickest can often grip onto life so desperately that they last longer than anyone expected. YOU JUST CAN KNOW FOR SURE when it is going to happen.
I just had my college roommate die yesterday after a year-long battle with breast cancer. Only 39 years-old and leaving two young children behind. It is such a sad loss.
I knew she was at the end. But, still I was so shocked! I thought there was more time. But, I should know more than most people that you just never know what death looks like! Even if they just had a bunch of friends come visit and they looked darling in their Anthropology pants.
Dying can still look pretty.
Here’s to you, Amy! Pretty until the end :)
Tears are running down my face as I type this because I really need to slow down and enjoy life more. My doctors are telling me to slow down and friends losing young friends is telling me slow down. Life can pass you by so quickly. All of a sudden your baby is 2 1/2 and boogie boarding. I wanted her to grow up so life would be easier and now I can’t turn it back. Why am I always in fast forward motion???? Being ADHD doesn’t help but really it is no excuse for not slowing down and enjoying life as it is right now….
Thank you Lina for your blog it really has changed my life in so many ways.
I am sorry for your loss of such a dear friend….love you, mel
Slowing down is harder than it may seem. Not only because of physical issues, but slowing down means honestly feeling and evaluating your life! People are often in overdrive so they don’t have to feel things. There is also a sale assumption that being “successful”,”making money”, and “a good citizen” means working really hard and looks like running-around-with-your-head-cut-off! I still fight with this tendency!
You are one the right track, Mel. You are being given signs and you are noticing them! Keep it up!
One of the first things that I did when I was trying to slow down was stop every volunteer thing I was doing and cancel all recurring appointments except life-giving ones like a massage. After a year or two I added in a couple things, but say NO all the time! So, maybe start with something like that.
You are such a kind and giving person. TIme to give to yourself :)
Sending you positive thoughts as you deal with the loss of your friend.
Lina- I am struggling with reconciling the appearance of Death in my normally healthy looking partner. I am struggling to understand how he is facing it. Thank you for a little bit of insight!
Much gentleness and strength to you today.
I am so sorry to read about your partner. The stress of caring for a dying loved one must be indescribable, although you do so quite eloquently on your blog. I once helped a young lady who had two small children and was dying of cancer. I was so surprised that dying was never discussed. She didn’t want to think of anything but full recovery. I assumed this was unhealthy and it would be better for her to “face it.” After many more hospice patients, I realized that it is their process, not mine or yours. To “face it” would have made her last days miserable. Instead, she did what she needed to feel happy and secure. Either way, she died, but her way was the best way. Good luck to you during this stressful time :)
Thank you again! Learning how to accept and honor that!
I’m so sorry Lina for you and your friend’s family. I will imagine you all surrounded by white light.
Thanks Kathy!
Oh Lina, I am very saddened by your loss, and for the loss to her family. I think this effects me more than it should because it was from breast cancer. Would it be less tragic if were from another cause? Of course not.
But breast cancer pulls out a painful memory of a strong and beautiful woman I have lost in the past.
I an certain that your friend Amy was just as strong and beautiful. She will be in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing this with us, it does put things in perspective.
Thank, Jim. Her family will need the prayers!