Synchrodestiny: What I Learned in Five Days With Deepak
As I sit hear writing this for you, I feel like crying. I’m not even sure why. I think it is a combination of exhaustion from 5 intense, long days and all the emotions that bubbled up from it.
Most of you know that I just finished a five day retreat at the Chopra Center. The retreat name was “Synchrodestiny” and centered around the teachings in Deepak Chopra’s book, Spontaneous Fullfilment of Desire. This was the last Synchrodestiny retreat after offering it for about 12 years, so the energy of the event was very strong and Deepak’s sessions were particularly intense. There are many things I took away from my five days, but one was Deepak’s incredible intelligence and other-worldiness. He has the ability to blend science with spirit seamlessly. He truly is of another realm.
There are so many things I could tell you about this retreat: give you lists, bullet point main topics, regurgitate mind blowing material. But, instead I think I’ll tell you my story…
I came to the retreat with hopes of getting clarity on what direction to go with my website:
Should I write a book?
Should I pursue an opportunity to develop inspirational products?
Should I think about speaking?
Maybe expand my “Karma Club” idea and take the experiences nationally?
SO many ideas…what should I do?????
I was tired of feeling confused and knew that if I had some direction or intuition, I could commit and take off! I’m good at “doing” things. I excel at trudging forward. I just didn’t know the direction.
So, here I was at a retreat that would help me uncover my path, and the first thing that I notice is how embarrassed I am when people ask, “What do you do?” I felt ashamed at saying, “I stay at home with my kids and have a blog” when engaging with people from across the world with incredible careers and ambitions. Like I had been wasting time.
I tucked that feeling away and keep moving forward, putting my whole heart and soul into each activity and interaction. These sessions were focused on uncovering our true desire – our destiny. So, I keep sensing and feeling around my ideas but I did’t seem to be getting anywhere. Damn. Nothing was presenting itself to me.
Then, in one of the sessions, when the leader asked us to put our hand on our heart and ask ourselves “What do you want right now?” it came to me. I want more than anything to feel totally centered and connected to my children. I want to be excited when they come home! I want to be happy to play with them! I want to look into their eyes and be totally focused on their stories and not distracted by my thoughts and texts and phone calls. I want to be so in the present moment with them that time slows down and I remember all of the details.
What!?! I came hear to find my entrepreneurial path and this is what I come up with! What is the Universe trying to tell me?
So, again, I tucked that feeling away and thought to myself, “Yes, that’s important. I’ll work on my relationship with my kids while I research products and distribution streams.”
That evening, after dinner, we all to came together to play a game called THE WISH. This game would give us clues and guidance through a system of oracle cards. To start the game we each wrote down our desire clearly and succinctly. I thought for a moment about putting, “to be centered and connected to my family” but after seeing the wishes of other players it seamed less-than. How could that possibly stack up with “I open up a substance abuse retreat center in Puerto Rico.”
So, I changed my mind and put down, “I have a company that provides inspirational products” There, now that sounds nice.
The game proceeded and I kept getting cards that I had a hard time connecting to my desire. Things like:
You can only change yourself
You are what you think
To see peace in this world we must first see peace in ourselves
Life if your mirror-it reflects back to you everything you need to learn
One of the teachers came to our table to help us make sense of these clues. She looked at mine and keep prodding and probing and questioning me. “What do you think these are trying to tell you?….What is the message as it relates to your wish?” I was exhausted, my brain was about to explode and I was on the brink of tears. I DON’T KNOW I’M TOO TIRED! I finally said exasperated.
She then said, “I’ve been doing this for some time and what I see is a bunch of cards that are telling you to turn inward and keep working on yourself. It seems like you have some work to do at home before you venture out and start something new.”
Well, I about lost it inside. It felt like a slap in the face…as if everyone had a right to their desires but I had to go back to school. I left feeling defeated and confused.
As I was laying in my bed that night it dawned on me: that was my desire! I did want, more than anything, to feel more peaceful and centered at home. And to achieve that, I DO have to work on myself more! The game WAS telling me my true wish! It wasn’t telling me I can’t do those things in the future, it was reminding me what was important right now.
I have been pushing and struggling for about a year trying to figure out what I was going “TO DO.” I have been DOING things all my life, to the point of losing the present. I am a future addict – I constantly am looking and thinking about the future and how “when I do that I’ll feel more fulfilled.”Noticing that I felt less-than around successful retreat attendees made me realize how distorted my thinking had become. I have been looking for happiness and fulfillment externally and need to find it internally before I will be ready to move to the next adventure.
In many ways, it was quite a relief. It is like I got permission to have fun. The Universe gave me a big green light to be good to myself and good to my family instead of pushing my will and making everyone miserable! I have to trust that things will open up to me in perfect timing. And I am perfectly were I need to be.
With me.
With my Family.
With you.
Thank you for always being there for me when I need to tell my story. You are a Godsend! It’s good to be back home :)
I fight with my angel cards all the time so you are not alone. They want me to be healed and to heal, but I want to DO! I can relate completely to this post! I’m so glad you had a good trip and want to hear more!
I know my “doing” is my illusion of success. I think it is making me feel more worthy, when in fact I have it all backwards. Uggg! God bless me, why do I have to make it more difficult than it has to be? xo
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Well said Lina! Your blog is successful because we can all relate to your trials and tribulations and see a little of ourselves in the truths that you write. You are a gifted writer and will be successful in your journey. Sometimes success has to be put on hold while we are busy raising successful (and I mean in spirit,compassion and intelligent) children. Your time will come but being present with your children is so important because when we leave this earth we won’t be thinking of blogs or money just our memories of family and friends :).
Thanks so much. Everyone’s comments have meant so much to me. It just confirms what I wrote: that I’m on the right track. You are so right ” when we leave this earth we won’t be thinking of blogs or money just our memories of family and friends.” love you!
Bravo Lina! I can totally relate. I pursed a Director of Marketing job in part because I ALWAYS wanted to have that title and thought my kids were finally old enough, I could go out and do it. That was until my life spiraled out of control. Horrible boss, always totally stressed, puking toxic waste all over our dinner table as I detoxed from whatever hell was going on that day with my boss and a work environment that was not a good fit for me and my life at that time. I know God allowed me to experience that to teach me — I always learn the hard way, don’t we all? After I re-prioritized my family and gave up a steady income (and my pride of saying I’m a Director of Marketing), it was scary. My kids are a little older than yours and everyone keeps telling me when they hit high school, you blink your eyes and they’re gone. My oldest starts high school next year. All I want to do is make enough money to be able to travel with them, take an RV trip out west, go to Washington DC and experience it together (I don’t want them to go for the first time with their 6th grade class — I want them to first experience it with Jed and me!) — just be with my family every spare chance we have. Lina, this doesn’t mean God won’t make something out of the passions you are pursuing but it will be in God’s time and He is leading you right where you want and need to be — home. What a precious story. Thank you for baring your soul. Live for this day, then the next. Allow God to surprise you as He blesses you at some point in the future, when it all comes together and you think — Ah, so that’s what you were up to, Lord.
Oh, I remember that time in your life! Oh, Beth, I know you are so right. One day I will look back and say, “That’s what you were up to, God!” Live for this day…I have to remember that every day.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve spoken to The Chopra Center and have been close to booking my retreat in the past, but the Universe had other plans for me at the time. I know I will make it there one day.
I totally know what you mean about wanting to cry as you type your post. The most emotional journeys are that of introspection – and often come with a cathartic cleansing of the spirit (and I always cry when that happens!).
It sounds like you have an incredibly loving family and I applaud you focusing on them and wanting to savor every moment. Not every parent is as aware of the necessity to live in the NOW with their children.
Sure, you may not be opening a substance abuse retreat center in Puerto Rico, but you are doing something just as important and honorable. You are shaping the character, integrity and self worth of your children – to me, there’s nothing more important than that.
Here’s to honoring and unapologetically embracing our passions!
Hugs from Southern California,
Christine
@thatgalkiki
Thank you so much for the comment. I really appreciate it. I feel like everyones support is just affirming my path and that means a lot!
On another note, since you are living in sunny Southern California, I would highly recommend a Chopra retreat if it works out for you. It was truly amazing. They are top notch (and La Costa Resort is incredible!) Maybe I’ll see you at one sometime because I’m coming back for more!
I am so happy for you. What a gift- finding permission from the universe to be present and to know your hearts wish can never be “less than”!
It really is a gift! You know me better than anyone – I’m always plowing through, moving ahead, and never thinking what I am doing at the moment is enough! It is exhausting!
Wow, Lina. Isn’t it crazy how hard we fight what is right in front of us? You and I have a lot in common. We should have lunch, soon.
If it was a snake it would have bit me! Seriously! Lunch sounds nice :)
Modern life puts too many pressures on people to ‘do’ things all the time, what’s worse, I have many friends who are loving mums and homemakers like you, they feel guilty for doing ‘nothing’. How can being a mum not be doing something? I think it was very brave of you to open yourself up at this retreat. A friend told me once a long time ago that one has to learn to love oneself 100% first before they can love anyone else, their children included, because true love is the excess love you have to give, the extra that is wholesome and true and that is given freely without expecting anything back. If you don’t live yourself 100% first, you’re probably not giving love in the truest sense.
You know, I had never thought about it that way but it makes perfect sense. If you don’t have your own love bucket filled to the top it is hard to find extra to give to others. I completely see that. Thank you :) And, why do us moms feel like we aren’t doing enough raising our future leaders??? Ridiculous! xo
I am so grateful that our paths ever crossed and that you had this amazing experience to share with this “human doing” of a mom, entrepreneur, and human being. I will probably read this one many times over…
Ditto, Kim! There are no accidents :) I’m glad you found it helpful. I am so grateful I went and uncovered some of my answers!
Welcome back doll!! Sounds like an amazing trip! I have often felt like when I tell people that my only goal in life was and is to be a great mom they think I’m crazy! Don’t I have a higher goal? Or when someone asks me what I’ve been up to and I reply “raising kids” they give me a blank stare like “that’s it?”. I finally realized that every night I put my kids to bed I was making a difference in their lives and helping them become their best! I love what I do! Yes I’m sure there are lots of times that I could be doing more for the community or organizations but at the end of the day I want my kids to remember me being present and happy with them. Not running around chasing one thing after another when they are all I wanted from the beginning! Six more years and max and Charlie will be gone! We have to enjoy this precious time!!!!
Katie, I always knew that you put your family first and I always admired that about you. You will have no regrets. You children are the kindest kids with such good heads on their shoulders. Bravo :) We will both have our time!
To me there is nothing more important, honorable or gifting than being present in children’s lives – we are their safety, warmth and guides. What more is there in the end. A loving connected present family changes the world for the better in so many ways.
Thank you, Chaqua. I appreciate so deeply all of the kind comments and support. You are so right, but I couldn’t see it until it slapped me on the face!
Love this post, Lina! Really speaks to me. I have been struggling for it seems like forever with what I want to be when I grow up. It has occured to me that maybe what I ‘am’ is not so much defined by what I ‘do’….or at least what I do for a career, Maybe what I ‘am’ is defined by what I love.
Also, having just lived through this past 5 weeks w/my friend Laurie, I have a very fresh new appreciation for the absolute gift and beauty of a normal day. Our lives can change in an instant, and this every day stuff is the GOOD stuff.
I once heard Deepak speak soon after 9-11. He had a sold out crowd at Unity on the Plaza mesmerized. He told the story of how a smoker was irritating him, as he was close enough to be forced to breathe in the second-hand smoke. Then Deepak had an epiphany – we were all breathing in each others’ air, all the time! The smoke just made it more obvious. In each and every breathe, we are all connected. We are so connected we are all breathing together! How can we harm one another, in light of this? He was amazing in his passion for peace, even in the face of that horrible event.
When I grow up I think I wanna be him! =)
I love the image of Deepak breathing in second hand smoke – really, we are all so connected but many of us see ourselves as separate. How could we harm one another if we knew, absolutely, that we were all part of the same body. Our bodies are such perfect examples of how we should operate. Our liver cell would never harm our kidney cell! As a matter of fact, our cells die everyday for the greater good of our body. Amazingly unselfish.
Beautiful and brave post, Lina.
Thanks, Emily :)
Wow….so powerful Lina. Thanks for sharing. I’ve wanted to comment many times on your blog – so thought provoking . I, too, struggle with being ‘just’ a stay-at-home mom (frankly I miss the periodic performance reviews I would get in the corporate word) and so want to be at peace with it but it’s still a struggle most of the time….but in reading your post it hit me that the most powerful act I could do with my body is to give birth and the next most powerful act -and highest responsibility -is to RAISE those special beings to be genuine contributors to the good that this world is. No one said it would be easy, but will be worth it. And frankly, that’s all children ever want is to be recognized and valued by their parents… and that takes time. It’s good to know we’re not alone in this journey. You’re a wonderful soul.
Oh, thank you Theresa! I am so glad you decided to comment today! I couldn’t agree with you more, but it doesn’t mean that it is easy. I knew even before going to the retreat that raising my children was the more important thing I could do, but it didn’t keep me from feeling like I could do that AND be an amazingly successful writer. Some women can do both, but I am slowly realizing that I am not ready…yet. My time (and yours) will come! Thank for the support :)