Synchrodestiny: What I Learned in Five Days With Deepak
As I sit hear writing this for you, I feel like crying. I’m not even sure why. I think it is a combination of exhaustion from 5 intense, long days and all the emotions that bubbled up from it.
Most of you know that I just finished a five day retreat at the Chopra Center. The retreat name was “Synchrodestiny” and centered around the teachings in Deepak Chopra’s book, Spontaneous Fullfilment of Desire. This was the last Synchrodestiny retreat after offering it for about 12 years, so the energy of the event was very strong and Deepak’s sessions were particularly intense. There are many things I took away from my five days, but one was Deepak’s incredible intelligence and other-worldiness. He has the ability to blend science with spirit seamlessly. He truly is of another realm.
There are so many things I could tell you about this retreat: give you lists, bullet point main topics, regurgitate mind blowing material. But, instead I think I’ll tell you my story…
I came to the retreat with hopes of getting clarity on what direction to go with my website:
Should I write a book?
Should I pursue an opportunity to develop inspirational products?
Should I think about speaking?
Maybe expand my “Karma Club” idea and take the experiences nationally?
SO many ideas…what should I do?????
I was tired of feeling confused and knew that if I had some direction or intuition, I could commit and take off! I’m good at “doing” things. I excel at trudging forward. I just didn’t know the direction.
So, here I was at a retreat that would help me uncover my path, and the first thing that I notice is how embarrassed I am when people ask, “What do you do?” I felt ashamed at saying, “I stay at home with my kids and have a blog” when engaging with people from across the world with incredible careers and ambitions. Like I had been wasting time.
I tucked that feeling away and keep moving forward, putting my whole heart and soul into each activity and interaction. These sessions were focused on uncovering our true desire – our destiny. So, I keep sensing and feeling around my ideas but I did’t seem to be getting anywhere. Damn. Nothing was presenting itself to me.
Then, in one of the sessions, when the leader asked us to put our hand on our heart and ask ourselves “What do you want right now?” it came to me. I want more than anything to feel totally centered and connected to my children. I want to be excited when they come home! I want to be happy to play with them! I want to look into their eyes and be totally focused on their stories and not distracted by my thoughts and texts and phone calls. I want to be so in the present moment with them that time slows down and I remember all of the details.
What!?! I came hear to find my entrepreneurial path and this is what I come up with! What is the Universe trying to tell me?
So, again, I tucked that feeling away and thought to myself, “Yes, that’s important. I’ll work on my relationship with my kids while I research products and distribution streams.”
That evening, after dinner, we all to came together to play a game called THE WISH. This game would give us clues and guidance through a system of oracle cards. To start the game we each wrote down our desire clearly and succinctly. I thought for a moment about putting, “to be centered and connected to my family” but after seeing the wishes of other players it seamed less-than. How could that possibly stack up with “I open up a substance abuse retreat center in Puerto Rico.”
So, I changed my mind and put down, “I have a company that provides inspirational products” There, now that sounds nice.
The game proceeded and I kept getting cards that I had a hard time connecting to my desire. Things like:
You can only change yourself
You are what you think
To see peace in this world we must first see peace in ourselves
Life if your mirror-it reflects back to you everything you need to learn
One of the teachers came to our table to help us make sense of these clues. She looked at mine and keep prodding and probing and questioning me. “What do you think these are trying to tell you?….What is the message as it relates to your wish?” I was exhausted, my brain was about to explode and I was on the brink of tears. I DON’T KNOW I’M TOO TIRED! I finally said exasperated.
She then said, “I’ve been doing this for some time and what I see is a bunch of cards that are telling you to turn inward and keep working on yourself. It seems like you have some work to do at home before you venture out and start something new.”
Well, I about lost it inside. It felt like a slap in the face…as if everyone had a right to their desires but I had to go back to school. I left feeling defeated and confused.
As I was laying in my bed that night it dawned on me: that was my desire! I did want, more than anything, to feel more peaceful and centered at home. And to achieve that, I DO have to work on myself more! The game WAS telling me my true wish! It wasn’t telling me I can’t do those things in the future, it was reminding me what was important right now.
I have been pushing and struggling for about a year trying to figure out what I was going “TO DO.” I have been DOING things all my life, to the point of losing the present. I am a future addict – I constantly am looking and thinking about the future and how “when I do that I’ll feel more fulfilled.”Noticing that I felt less-than around successful retreat attendees made me realize how distorted my thinking had become. I have been looking for happiness and fulfillment externally and need to find it internally before I will be ready to move to the next adventure.
In many ways, it was quite a relief. It is like I got permission to have fun. The Universe gave me a big green light to be good to myself and good to my family instead of pushing my will and making everyone miserable! I have to trust that things will open up to me in perfect timing. And I am perfectly were I need to be.
With my Family.
Thank you for always being there for me when I need to tell my story. You are a Godsend! It’s good to be back home :)