Evolving from D-evolving
Just as soon as I feel securely on an enlighten path, I completely blow a gasket. Something will stress me out and revert my biological impulses back to caveman status. Old patterns, triggers, fears and reactions rear their ugly heads, reminding me that I am human. And I’m still evolving.
Like the other day, when I was attempting to travel 5 blocks from my house to my sister-in-laws house to pick up some items for the evening’s school auction and drop off my kids so I could help set up. This simple drive is approximately 1/2 mile, but crosses over a major boulevard. Unbeknownst to me, the Kansas City Marathon was going on that morning and every conceivable way I tried to cross the Parkway was blocked. After about 30 minutes, my blood was boiling and I was slowly but surely d-evolving into a complete lunatic.
After two unfavorable encounters with police officers (one of which gave me a ticket for knocking over one of his cones as I tried to navigate between barriers) I was literally falling apart. I forgot to breath, I was not looking at the situation objectively or calmly, and allowed my body to be flooded with anger, frustration and fear.
And I thought I was evolved! Lord help me.
After 45 minutes, I finally got to my destination. I packed my car and was on my way. As I was driving to school, I marveled at my deterioration. My goodness, what was all that? Where did that come from? Did I just have an out-of-body experience?
I felt disappointed, defeated, and totally d-evolved.
I took some long, deep breaths, I cried, I asked for forgiveness, and I forgave myself.
I realized that the younger me would have continued to blame the officers, the runners, the marathon organizers. My younger self would have thought about it with anger for most of the day, not acknowledging my part. The younger me would have let the stress invade my body and leave me feeling tense and short of breath all day.
But I WAS able to see how my energy effected the situation. I WAS able to breath. I WAS able to let it go. I was able to be kind to myself.
I completely d-evolved that morning. It wasn’t pretty. It was actually kind of funny, really. But it was how I rebounded that reminded me that I have come a long way. We don’t always make the right choices in the moment, but that doesn’t mean that we have to stick with that choice. At any point we can acknowledge it, ask for forgiveness and let it go…and that is moving in the right direction. It could be minutes later or years later; we all have a chance to turn it around. Allowing ever lunatic moment to be a springboard for evolution.
Spring, baby, spring.
Perfect timing for me, dear friend. Just what i needed to hear this a.m.
:) and good to hear from you…hope you are getting posts ok now! xoxo
I SOOOOOO needed this today!!
I, too, had a HUGE meltdown on Saturday for a certainly non-life-threatening-now-seemingly-silly situation and have played it over and over in my head all weekend. It’s been exhausting. Looking back I’ve been wondering who WAS that person on Saturday? But I know….it was me…one of the many shades of me….and instead of trying to ignore the experience I’m trying to see it for what it was…me… a soul having a very human experience. Part of the journey. Part of the learning. Part of me.
So, thanks Lina. I’m going to hit Submit and then go sit with myself and give permission to release. It’s going to be a great day.
Oh, I’m so glad that someone else out there had a meltdown! Makes me feel nice and normal. We are all trying our best, even at our worst!
true!!!! when those moments happen it can be such an out-of-body like experience!! feels like you are not even yourself…like when you get lost in your car……….or when you forget something important that you need……….sometimes it is hard to stay present and not just go throught the motions…..when that happens, it happens for a reason. slowing down, accepting that you are not always in control…..understanding that the universe will keep on without you…………..those moments are important.
Fo sho, sista! I wish I had clued into the fact that it was a sign to slow down BEFORE I lost my mind and was about to assault an officer :) But, c’est la vie! BTW, I FINALLY put you goods in the mail! Happy eating! xo Lina
I was one of those 1/2 marathon runners blocking your way, LIna. So sorry…If I had known it was you trying to drive through, I would have placed my body in front of the other runners to make way for the Dalai Lina! Alas, you had to d-evolve to share real life encounters with frustrations! Love to YOU!
I bet you would have stopped all those runners just for me :) You dear friend and teacher.
Isn’t it amazing when we have those outer body experiences? The Universe definitely has a way with triggers, that’s for sure!
I love that you reconnected with yourself with forgiveness and compassion. Realizing how far we’ve come is something we all must do. I struggle with patience – mostly with myself, and in the end, I need to remember I am much further along in my journey of healing than I think. But when those triggers fly, life can be…colorful.
PS: Happy Monday, to you dear. The gym was FABULOUS!
Maybe they feel like out-of-body experiences because….it really is one? Our souls are like, “What the hell is she doing? I think I’ll step over here and get out of they way. This is going downhill fast.”
(awesome, you are your body are worth it! Happy Monday to you too!)
Thanks! I’ve got a chilled bottle of Pinot next Chopra visit. We (and our bodies) are worth that, too! :) xo
That’s right, I bet you are not that far! I pre-paid for another, so it will happen sometime in the next year! Keep it waiting for me :)
good stuff Linie
Thanks, Stephles
to quote the matrix “to deny our impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human”
Clearly there is something we are supposed to get out of our human experience, otherwise we’d say screw it, I’m staying up here!