Evolving from D-evolving
Just as soon as I feel securely on an enlighten path, I completely blow a gasket. Something will stress me out and revert my biological impulses back to caveman status. Old patterns, triggers, fears and reactions rear their ugly heads, reminding me that I am human. And I’m still evolving.
Like the other day, when I was attempting to travel 5 blocks from my house to my sister-in-laws house to pick up some items for the evening’s school auction and drop off my kids so I could help set up. This simple drive is approximately 1/2 mile, but crosses over a major boulevard. Unbeknownst to me, the Kansas City Marathon was going on that morning and every conceivable way I tried to cross the Parkway was blocked. After about 30 minutes, my blood was boiling and I was slowly but surely d-evolving into a complete lunatic.
After two unfavorable encounters with police officers (one of which gave me a ticket for knocking over one of his cones as I tried to navigate between barriers) I was literally falling apart. I forgot to breath, I was not looking at the situation objectively or calmly, and allowed my body to be flooded with anger, frustration and fear.
And I thought I was evolved! Lord help me.
After 45 minutes, I finally got to my destination. I packed my car and was on my way. As I was driving to school, I marveled at my deterioration. My goodness, what was all that? Where did that come from? Did I just have an out-of-body experience?
I felt disappointed, defeated, and totally d-evolved.
I took some long, deep breaths, I cried, I asked for forgiveness, and I forgave myself.
I realized that the younger me would have continued to blame the officers, the runners, the marathon organizers. My younger self would have thought about it with anger for most of the day, not acknowledging my part. The younger me would have let the stress invade my body and leave me feeling tense and short of breath all day.
But I WAS able to see how my energy effected the situation. I WAS able to breath. I WAS able to let it go. I was able to be kind to myself.
I completely d-evolved that morning. It wasn’t pretty. It was actually kind of funny, really. But it was how I rebounded that reminded me that I have come a long way. We don’t always make the right choices in the moment, but that doesn’t mean that we have to stick with that choice. At any point we can acknowledge it, ask for forgiveness and let it go…and that is moving in the right direction. It could be minutes later or years later; we all have a chance to turn it around. Allowing ever lunatic moment to be a springboard for evolution.
Spring, baby, spring.