Typical Conversations at the Dalai House
I’ve been collecting funny conversations that happen in my house. Writing them down to ensure that I have a record of all blackmail’able behavior. Most of my good stuff comes from Dalai Daniel. That kid is so bad its too good. Like two days ago when I over hear him singing to himself in his self-made tune, “I have a word stuck in my head. I have a word stuck in my head. I have a word stuck in my head….and it’s a bad word.”
I didn’t ask what the word was.
So, if you are feeling like your kids are nuts…Brats, maybe? With a dash of sass and humor. Welcome to the club. Hope this makes your interactions feel a little more normal.
Once Upon A Time…
It was another typical early morning, where Annabelle (aka Pissy Missy) directed all crabbiness to me as if my mere existence was unbearable. I did nothing right, I said nothing right. In her eyes, my only job was to be a portal for her toxic waste.
It was getting more and more absurd, until she reached the pinnacle of lunacy when she yelled at me, accusatory like,
“MOM, WHERE IS MY WORT! I – CAN’T – FIND – MY – W A R T!”
I was speechless.
“Lina,” Dalai Dan interjects, “what have you done with Annabelle wart? Did you take it again? I’m getting sick and tired of you stealing her wart. Now, give it back.”
And with that, the kitchen burst into laughter. Even Pissy Missy has a chuckle.
- – - – - – - – - – - -
After a lively fight with Max, during which play dates were cancelled, bike helmets were thrown, and tears were shed (all because I told him he couldn’t leave unless I put sunscreen on him) I went to find him and make up.
Then it happened.
My first, “I hate you.”
I knew it was coming one day, I just didn’t think it would be over sunscreen. Beer maybe. Girls surely. Sun protection was not on my radar.
“Get away from me! You’ve ruined my life! I’ll call 911! Don’t try to hug me, it’s child abuse! That’s it, I’m calling 911 if you try to hug me, it’s abuse! Go away!”
If this is how a BOY acts during puberty, and my 6-year-old daughter is already blaming me for missing warts, then I am totally and completely screwed.
Shoot me now.
- – - – - – - – - – -
Dalai Daniel (DD): Mom, I want a jet pack for Christmas
Me: A what?
DD: A jet pack. That is ALL I want for Christmas.
Me: I don’t think the sell household jet packs, and if they did, they would be way too expensive.
DD: Ok, I’ll take a personal plane. Can I have a piece of paper to write this all down?
Thomas: You know, Daniel, Christmas isn’t all about presents.
Annabelle: Yeah, it’a about baby Jesus’ birthday, Daniel.
DD: FINE…. (said with pure annoyance) I’ll put down a Jesus Lego guy.
- – - – - – - – - – -
What are your kid stories? We all have them. Some funny. Some annoying. Do tell, please. Surely I’m not the old mom that is hated and that has ruined a child’s life?
Walking in Montreal with mom and sister, I was old enough to read, but too young to know better. After a day of shopping and seeing the sights, we headed back to our hotel. Passing by a local pub, with a sign written in chalk stating Happy Hour was from 4:00 – 6:00 , I asked my mom the time.
“It’s 6:30 honey”
“Awwwww, MAN! We missed Happy Hour!” Laughter filled the sidewalk.
I seriously thought “Happy Hour” was a time when all the happy people gathered together.
Now that I think of it, I wasn’t too far off base.
That is precious! You just wanted to be happy :) That is a great story. Did you travel a lot as a kid? Montreal via Hawaii is a big trip!
It was a big trip! 5 hours just to get to the main land (Los Angeles). My mom’s family is from Monteral, so those adventures were fun.
I didn’t really start traveling frequently until I left the island at 28. Still need to make it to the mid west! :)
How cool! Do you still have family in Canada? What a great excuse to visit! I have never been anywhere in Canada and it is one of my top “to do’s”. That and Hawaii! Haven’t been back since my honeymoon!
oh lina..the jesus lego..i love him so much!!!
I think I can make him one…what do you think? http://www.flickr.com/photos/hansecoloursmay/2708194779/
I swear I actually have one. It’s from our Play Mobile Nativity set. I dare you give it to him for Christmas.
How darn funny would that be! He may not remember, but Dan and I would be rolling!
So funny- I love hearing these. Good luck finding the Jesus Lego guy…..
I’m thinking he may have to settle for a Jesus bobble head…
Gosh, you haven’t gotten the I hate you yet? I think Mary Margaret mastered that one along with the door slam at age 5! Also, and perhaps I’m taking your post too literal, but please tell me Annabelle doesn’t really have a wart on her chin, the poor thing?! My favorite story is about James when Augustine was still an infant. We had been going to the library alot and so he had learned what is means to borrow or own (as it relates to books). Well, I was pushing Augustine in the stroller with the two kids and a stranger came up to admire the baby. James blurts out to her, “Move away lady. We own him”. It was hilarious, and I had to explain to him that no one was ever going to take him away from us!
Oh me, I am laughing so hard! That is one of the funniest stories I have ever heard! If it was Max, he would have said, “Want him, lady? He’s for rent.” He couldn’t get his little brother away fast enough!
Oh, and NO, her wart is on her arm of all places.
One of my favorite memories is of Vaughn as a two year old resting on the kitchen floor pointing up to the ceiling and singing, “Bad guy up there, bad guy up there…” He pronounced bad “bab”…we all still sing it sometimes.
Wouldn’t you love to know what the heck he was thinking about? Maybe he was seeing ghosts :)
Oh this will make your day. So my 14 year old daughter called me just before afternoon swim practice to tell me that her new swim team suit was missing. Oh, and we picked it up yesterday at 6:00 so it’s technically not been 24 hours. This is how it went down:
Me live on phone: Well go find it. $70. You’re paying for the new one or you”re grounded til you find it. that’s why your bags are for, to store your stuff.
14 year old: I left in drying with my towel drying over the ledge. Someone took it. IT’S NOT MY FAULT! YOU CAN’T BE MAD AT ME! WHY ARE YOU SO–click, I hung up. I couldn’t take it.
Me text: Find your old suit and be in water by 4:05.
14 text: It was on my towel….you’re not helping by saying “your grounded” every second
Then she tried to call me 3 or 4 times and I wouldn’t answer.
me text: Get in the water now. Quit calling me.
14 text: That’s why we don’t get along! You’re (spelled your of course) right every time! Because someone took my suit? Really? Now im going to swimming but everyone is saying that your mom’s crazy no one does that sorry my suit randomly disappeared??? But my towel was still there? Like wow totally my fault. I literally can’t find it and my towel was right under it.
me text: You’d better be in the water by now. Don’t make me look like the bad guy. You’re the one in charge of keeping it safe.
14 text: I FOUND IT. YOU LOVE ME.
me text: U should be in the water.
And that’s how we roll sometimes around here! Hope this made everyone have a bit of a rise in blood pressure like myself!
Holy cow, I just felt like I read a juicy novel. Are all teenagers that irrational? “Your mom’s crazy and none does that…” What!?! No mom in the world would expect their child to keep track of their stuff and get mad if they lose an expensive item? Please! Tell G that she is the crazy one. I may have said, find you ‘God Damned’ suit. Would that have been crazy? I can do crazy pretty well…
The bigger question is…where did she find the suit? And if you say under the towel, I may have to spank her :)
She found it in a box that was under the ledge. I knew just to cut to the chase with the “you’re grounded” theme and the ” it’s $70″ theme.
I need to use the words “not my problem” more often.
I guarantee you she will never misplace it again!
A dash of sass and humor…..that pretty much sums up my daughter! Over the years I’ve kept a journal off and on so I’ll have to dig up one of her better exploits.
Speaking of warts, Lena has one on her ankle that she has affectionately named Puff Daddy. That kid is a hoot – feel like she and DD are cut from the same cloth.
Once I asked her if her friend Claire’s mommy was more glamorous than me (knowing full well that Lena idolizes her) and she said, ‘No offense, Mommy, but MUCH!” LOL. Good thing my self esteem is still intact.
Well, you wouldn’t have asked if you couldn’t handle the answer! I love her honesty :)
That name is going to stick in my head all day. It is TOTALLY something Dalai Daniel would do. I’m kind of hoping he gets a wart now to see what he would come up with…
Oh, I absolutely knew the answer. I think it was the MUCH part that cracked me up the most. What can I say – have always been a tomboy! = )