Typical Conversations at the Dalai House
I’ve been collecting funny conversations that happen in my house. Writing them down to ensure that I have a record of all blackmail’able behavior. Most of my good stuff comes from Dalai Daniel. That kid is so bad its too good. Like two days ago when I over hear him singing to himself in his self-made tune, “I have a word stuck in my head. I have a word stuck in my head. I have a word stuck in my head….and it’s a bad word.”
I didn’t ask what the word was.
So, if you are feeling like your kids are nuts…Brats, maybe? With a dash of sass and humor. Welcome to the club. Hope this makes your interactions feel a little more normal.
Once Upon A Time…
It was another typical early morning, where Annabelle (aka Pissy Missy) directed all crabbiness to me as if my mere existence was unbearable. I did nothing right, I said nothing right. In her eyes, my only job was to be a portal for her toxic waste.
It was getting more and more absurd, until she reached the pinnacle of lunacy when she yelled at me, accusatory like,
“MOM, WHERE IS MY WORT! I – CAN’T – FIND – MY – W A R T!”
I was speechless.
“Lina,” Dalai Dan interjects, “what have you done with Annabelle wart? Did you take it again? I’m getting sick and tired of you stealing her wart. Now, give it back.”
And with that, the kitchen burst into laughter. Even Pissy Missy has a chuckle.
- – - – - – - – - – - -
After a lively fight with Max, during which play dates were cancelled, bike helmets were thrown, and tears were shed (all because I told him he couldn’t leave unless I put sunscreen on him) I went to find him and make up.
Then it happened.
My first, “I hate you.”
I knew it was coming one day, I just didn’t think it would be over sunscreen. Beer maybe. Girls surely. Sun protection was not on my radar.
“Get away from me! You’ve ruined my life! I’ll call 911! Don’t try to hug me, it’s child abuse! That’s it, I’m calling 911 if you try to hug me, it’s abuse! Go away!”
If this is how a BOY acts during puberty, and my 6-year-old daughter is already blaming me for missing warts, then I am totally and completely screwed.
Shoot me now.
- – - – - – - – - – -
Dalai Daniel (DD): Mom, I want a jet pack for Christmas
Me: A what?
DD: A jet pack. That is ALL I want for Christmas.
Me: I don’t think the sell household jet packs, and if they did, they would be way too expensive.
DD: Ok, I’ll take a personal plane. Can I have a piece of paper to write this all down?
Thomas: You know, Daniel, Christmas isn’t all about presents.
Annabelle: Yeah, it’a about baby Jesus’ birthday, Daniel.
DD: FINE…. (said with pure annoyance) I’ll put down a Jesus Lego guy.
- – - – - – - – - – -
What are your kid stories? We all have them. Some funny. Some annoying. Do tell, please. Surely I’m not the old mom that is hated and that has ruined a child’s life?