How have you guys been? I’ve been plugging away at my new adventure. Between taking an entrepreneurial corse through our local Kauffman Foundation, dealing with a pretty case of head lice (green smoothies apparently does not ward off bugs), and doing another liver cleanse (yes, I will have more pictures for you) I’ve been as busy as a bee!
It’s that time of year, isn’t it? Fall is such a busy time. We think having the kids go back to school will give us some relief, but there is so much to do to get ready for winter. The air is buzzing with energy and urgency to get things done. At least it is in my house…but maybe that’s because I’ve been spending hours a day combing through a mop of hair and washing bedding. I’d like that time back, please.
On to sweeter things. I came across this video at Style by Emily Henderson and I just had to pass it along. Aren’t kids (when they don’t have lice) so honest and fresh? This video made me smile and want to cry. It’s only about 1 1/2 minutes, so enjoy!
Continued from Warning: Social Media Causes Weight Gain
Almost immediately after my blog trial separation, some curious things began to happen. Opportunities to do something different started showing up on my doorstep.
I didn’t notice it right away. It didn’t seem like a big message at first, just friendly talks with friends. Which, by the way, is how this stuff works. Rarely is there a single epiphany like you see in the movies or read about in books.
Allow me to get side tracked for a moment. I used to be in awe of people who got “messages” and experiences serendipitous “coincidences.” Somehow, I thought they were just more enlightened than me with better access to heavenly help.
“Oh my goodness, listen to what happened to me! A friend told me to read this book, then I happened to read my favorite blog and she reviewed the book, and the next thing I know, I’m at a fundraising luncheon and the speaker happens to be the author of the book! I got this sense I should introduce myself, and now we are saving the world together!”
It seemed like those things happened to other people. Not that I didn’t have moments that I knew contained important messages, they just felt sparse. Time and old age has taught me, however, that the messages are always there if we are observant and open to them. And people who have sudden “epiphanies” often just got the last clue in a series of many clues received over time. It is a process.
I could have seen those three conversations as just that: talks with friends. Or, I could put them together to uncover the meaning. My choice. No right or wrong answer. Just a different perspective. So, don’t ever feel like you can’t enjoy the same level of divine guidance. It’s there for the taking.
Alrighty then, back to business…so these three encounters all centered around starting a business. All women had different ideas. One woman already had a business in another state and wanted to expand. One neighbor had been keeping a running list of all her business ideas and wanted to pow wow about them. And another friend had this idea tossing around in her head for years.
What I noticed about myself is how excited I got with each conversation. The idea of creating WITH a person was so exhilarating. I was creating with my blog, but it was a one person show.
It finally clicked with me at the Ted Talks in Kansas City when one of the speakers hit my problem on the head: texting and emails only captures 10% of an communication. The other 90% is the tone, facial expression, body language, laughter and physically touch. Yes! That’s what I was missing! The other 90% of human interaction!
Between this revelation and the business conversations, I realized I wanted to work with people. Face to face.
Of course, I can’t simply just go with the flow. True to my cerebral nature, I like to complicate things and go on and on in my head trying to figure out “WHAT” that perfect business was. As if there was only one perfect thing for me.
Then, I had this interesting dream that lifted my self-inflicted burden of choosing the right venture.
I’m walking along with someone. I don’t know who they are, but I do know it is a man. We come upon some paths that lead up to a white house. One path goes to the left of the house, one to the right of the house, and one a little more to the right, up a steep incline. I asked the person, which direction I should chose, and waited for them to tell me the right way. The person said, “You can go on any of those paths. It really doesn’t matter. And if you want to go and entirely different direction, I will build a new path for you. You just tell me how you want to go, and I will make you a path.”
I realized that morning, there was no right or wrong choice. I didn’t have to labor over choosing poorly. I just needed to make a choice. I can’t expect things look differently if I’m standing in the same place. I just have to start moving.
So I did. And it feels awesome. I don’t know where this path will take me, but, so far, I’m loving the view! As always, I will keep you periodically posted and bring you into more of my adventures as they unfold. I don’t know what that will look like in terms of how often I’ll be checking in, but you can be sure that I will :) Thank you for your continued love and support. Please always feel like you can email me if you need the same!
Continued from The Scoop
What was it trying to tell me? Please, dear God or Buddha or Allah or Zeus, give me some answers. Show me, please. Pretty please with sugar on top…
To be honest, some of the answers began trickling in long before my big blog break-up. When I look back, it is very clear when things began to go awry.
About a year and a half into blogging, I decided I better start taking this seriously if I was going to make this more than a hobby. If I was going to be a “real” blogger and make it a career, I needed to do all the things that were necessary to propel it forward.
Why couldn’t it just stay a hobby? That answer lies deep in my DNA. I have always had a burning desire to work and kick-butt in a creative, satisfying career. I didn’t necessarily see myself going out and finding a job, though. I was more of the entrepreneur type. I wanted to create and build something of my own. I always knew that my time would come: my children would need less of me and I would have more space to create.
So, true to myself, I delved into learning everything about blogging for type-A-personality-disorders-who-must-do-it-all-by-the-book. Perfectly.
I read books on Twitter, books on social media. I listened to tele conferences, participated in webinars, subscribed to dozens of social media and marketing blogs. I went to a blogging conference and studied, studied and studied.
Then, I threw myself into the other side of blogging: the marketing side. I set up tweet schedulers, spent hours combing through other blogs to comment on and gain information to pass along in tweets and Facebook posts, contacted people for give-aways and personal relationships…all while trying to come up with new content, categorizing it effectively, trying SEO tricks, and paying attention to my “stats.”
Sounds fun, doesn’t it?
I was spending hours sitting on my ass, with the pulsating computer zapping my brain and giving me finger tip cancer, all in the good name of success.
If you knew me in real life (and the 5 of you still reading probably do. Thanks for hanging in there) you know that I am very social and love to talk. This intensely quiet, solitary existence was killing my soul. It took me over a year for it to build up to the point of snapping, but it slowly chipped away am the core of my being.
I noticed I would sit around in my exercise clothes all day, in the exact same place (there is literally a irreversible butt divot), completely content with my own B.O. I would turn down social engagements so I could “get things done.” I spent so much of my free time during the day managing the social media portion that I often didn’t get my writing done (ummm, the part I actually liked doing) and would have to cram it in after the kids went to bed. Which made me cranky and disconnected from the family. Plus I gained 5 pounds. Damn social media.
I sound like a complete mess, don’t I? It’s all a journey, friends. And sometimes it aint pretty.
I MAY have been able to sustain this longer if I felt like it was moving me forward. Yes, I was slowly gaining readership (of which, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with) but not at the pace I thought I should see.
This was intensely curious and baffling to me. I’ve always gotten what I wanted by hard work. I also believe in the power of the Devine to show up and help out – especially when you are on your path and your path helps others.
What gives, Oh, Magnificent, All-Knowing Force? Hello, I’m over here! Trying to kick some blog ass…
The question I was wrestling with was – Are these road blocks of my making or are they a greater message pushing me in a different direction? Basically, is my mindset (maybe a fear of something, or a underlying false belief about my own abilities) short changing me? Or, am I just not quite on the right path?
Hum. You can’t really think your way out of something like this, can you? As Marie Forleo said, “Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.” I was, indeed, engaging, and getting all sorts of messages. It was just time to try something different and see what kind of new messages I might get.
Hence, the blog separation. And what interesting things showed up…
(talk to you more next week!)
It has taken me only 34 days, 12 hours and 17 minutes to finally write again.
For the 5 of you still reading, I thought you deserved a little explanation into what in the world is going on with me.
No, nothing is wrong. No tragedies, no big life changes, no giving up. If fact, I have been wonderful. That nice hefty break has given me a lot of time and a new perspective on my Devine purpose and the path it wants to take.
Oh, goodness, where to begin! I want to tell you EVERYTHING! You all are like my cyber girlfriends that let me talk and talk and agree with everything I say. So I have to give you all the details…
It was sometime in the beginning of the summer when I just about had it. I was so frustrated and feeling defeated. I was totally SICK and TIRED of blogging my heart out and not seeing where it was taking me. Why, in God’s name, was I doing this? Dalai Lina was feeling like a gigantic pain in my ass. I was resenting it, and the time it was taking from my family. I felt as if I was spinning my wheels and staying in the same place: stuck in the mud. And the mud was flinging up in my eyes making it hard to see the road I was on.
Bottom line: my blog and I were having serious relationship issues. I felt like she was energetically taking and taking from me and I was not getting much back from her. She was turning into an energy vampire and I had hate feelings for her.
So, I had to cut her from my life. Cold turkey.
It almost felt like an energy cleanse. Instead of detoxing from sugar and caffeine, I was releasing those draining energetic ties. I couldn’t detox while blogging “every once in a while” – that would be like doing a cleanse that you ate just half the cookies you usually do. It’s aint gonna work.
At first, I felt so guilty. It was lingering over my head, “but people are waiting to hear from me,” “but, I’ll lose all my readers,” “but, I’ve put so much time in this – I can’t just let it go.”
I stood my ground and forced myself to let it go. Let it be. See what happens. I had to do this for myself. Years ago, I had made a commitment that I would pay attention to how I felt about things and let that guide me in my decisions. That one principal allowed me to open up space that I had never had before. I was able to confidently say ‘NO’ to things that didn’t serve me and my contribution to the world. And that space was eventually filled with DalaiLina.
For two+ years I poured my heart and soul into giving back through my writing. And it filled me and gave me great joy. I thought this was my path. But, it just wasn’t feeling right anymore, so I had to honor those feelings and take a step back. Clear the mud from my glasses and look at the picture clearly.
What was it trying to tell me? Please, dear God or Buddha or Allah or Zeus, give me some answers. Show me, please. Pretty please with sugar on top…
(To be continued)
God knows I never thought I’d end up marrying a man from Missouri. And from such a prolific family, now less. My husband comes from a family of four, all of which are married with children…and all of which live within one square mile of each other.
It’s a good thing we all like one another. No black sheep or crazy witches among us. (although, they probably all think I’m a bit nutty)
The total count of cousins is up to 13 now, which the addition of three beautiful babies.
Here is where they started – my two darling sister-in-laws. How can you help but be a perfect baby when you got this for a mommy? Seriously, have I confided in you in how annoyingly perfect my sister-in-law are? One graduated from Princeton, where she played tennis, and now is an attorney. The other has her PhD in neuroscience and gets grants and studies shit I don’t even understand. And to top it off they are cute, nice and funny.
The Dalai is just trying to keep up over here. Quinoa anyone?
First came the big boy. All 8+ pounds of him. Sweet, baby Miles…
And then these little girls decided 34 weeks was long enough. Time to see the world! At just 4 pounds each, they are smaller than Pissy Missy’s dolls. Incredibly tiny, beautiful and perfect…
Welcome to the family, sweet babies! I’ll have a baby sitter for you in a couple years. It’s your cousin Max, and he is a sexy beast.
Max knew it was inevitable.
His brothers and sister take extreme pleasure in using his room when he is gone. It doesn’t matter if it is a one-night sleep over or a two-weeks camp…
his bed will be contaminated.
I don’t doubt that they rub an extra booger on his pillow for a silent revenge. Maybe a juicy fart on his beloved brown fuzzy blanket. And I would say he deserves it. Max’s triple type-A, first born, anal OCD personality disorder needs an occasional booger to bring him down to our level.
Just as expected, the kids have been sleeping in his room every night.
Even Ruby enjoyed rubbing it in.
I just sent these photos off to camp. I can’t express the overwhelming satisfaction I get from this. If I couldn’t only be there when he first glimpses his nemesis, Shmaniel, cuddling his blanket and his stinky dog drooling on his bed. Such sweet revenge for all the times I had to re-wash his blanket because it didn’t “smell” right or tuck in his sheets more because they weren’t “tight” enough. Yes, I created this monster during the early early years of amateur parenting. I thought picking the watermelon seeds out was love, but found out it was a rookie move.
Trust me, all you new parents: the first child is a sacrificial lamb for the others to come. We ruin them with our novice parenting skills, but subsequent children will be better because of it.
That isn’t to say the first born is a lost cause. Those first years of child-dictatorship helps grow a hearty sense of narcissism that will cary them far in life, as evident in Max’s last line in his heart-felt letter…
Thanks, Max, for reminding me.
I just finished putting my makeup on and was ready to head out the door for a night out sans kids when I happened upon this video. Thanks to Pole to Soul blog, the floodgates opened and I had black tears dripping into my wrinkles.
The best job? The best, the worst, the most fulfilling, the most anguishing, the slowest and the fastest career there is. Us women wound’t have it any other way. How would the world survive without us?
People often ask me why I moved from California to Missouri. And this is the time of year I ask myself the same question. Why, Lina, why?
Our forecast this upcoming week: 106°, 104°, 105°, 98°, 100°, 97° (chilly), 100°
It depresses me just thinking about it.
By now, the kids and I are totally over the pool, completely bored with Candy Land, have seen all the good movies in the theaters, and have even gone to the freakin’ museum. What more can I possibly do to entertain them?
It seems inhumane to force them to play outside when I won’t even go to the grocery store because it’s too hot. So we just keep bumping into each other in the house, annoyed at each other’s existence.
Would I feel like this if I lived in California? Friends, can you weigh in on this? I think my attitude would be more buoyant if it wasn’t still 95° out at 10pm. If running a few errands didn’t cause back sweat and my good lipstick to melt.
Perhaps my children would go back to bike riding and trampoline jumping instead of breaking the window playing baseball in the family room?
Thank God I send the two big guys to camp on Thursday. It’s amazing how different the family dynamics are by just taking a kid or two away. Peaceful, maybe blissful, is the way to describe it. How can a mother love her children so much, but at the same time rejoice in their absence? We are a complex species.
The day after they leave Dalai Dan and I head to Colorado with the Shmaniel and Pissy Missy. Vacation with two kids? How awesome is that going to be? Half the car fighting, half the bathroom stops, half the “I’m bored”s.
I’m not heartless. I’ll miss the big boys. Maybe. A little. I’ll be so excited to see them when they get back on August 9th. My heart will be overflowing with love an joy to be with them.
And that bliss will be crushed shortly thereafter when the typical name calling, dinner table farting, and remote control fighting ensues. Back to frat house living.
August 16th won’t come soon enough…
Thank you, Christine, for sharing this with me. It is so beautiful. It really speaks to all of you out there who say, “I could never meditate because I can’t sit still. My mind keep wondering.” Don’t think of meditation that way. Meditation is purely being alone…